Based on my rudimentary math, the average American works for 40 years, age 25 to age 65.  If we spend 40 hours a week at work, that’s a total of 83,200 hours at work!  That’s a significant amount of time to spend with our peers and coworkers.  Naturally, some of those folks will become more than just peers, they may become friends.  You may get to know their families, you may go out for happy hour after work, your kids may play together, your spouses may become friends; all of these interactions lead to a question, is it ok to have friends at work?

In this month’s blog I will share some personal experiences about having friends at work.  Can it prevent you from receiving promotions?  What if you become a supervisor to a friend?  These are tough questions that need to be explored.  Stay tuned and lets discuss “Can We Be Friends”!

Within a span of 30 days in April and May of 1997 I resigned from a position with a company in Maine, got married, went on our honeymoon, moved to Conyers, GA, started a new job, turned 25, and bought a house with my new husband.  I knew no one in Conyers, GA except my husband.  I knew nothing about owning a home.  I quickly became friends with a number of my coworkers at my new job.  Many of whom I still hold dear to my heart today, some I no longer speak to!  We didn’t have children yet, so literally my new neighborhood and my job were the only places I was able to make friends.  I stayed with this company for almost 15 years.  When I reflect on that role I often say “I grew up with the company”.  I had three children while I was employed there, sold our first home and bought a new home, got my Master’s degree, and was promoted multiple times. 

Each of those promotions presented a challenge as I was now managing a person I considered to be a friend.  One such individual I would have even called my best friend at the time.  My husband and I became godparents to her daughter and she and her husband became the same to my youngest daughter.  She was a great engineer and employee, with great potential.  In many situations I did not delegate or assign projects to her as I knew she was overloaded; I did the work myself.  That was problematic for two reasons.  The first was that I overloaded myself to protect her because she was my friend and the second issue is that I potentially deprived her of an opportunity to learn and grow as an engineer because I did the work myself.  As I started interviewing for new roles outside of the company, I started to pull away and the relationship became somewhat contentious.  I announced my resignation to my superiors prior to discussing it with her.  As my direct report I had no obligation to tell her first but as my friend, should I have told her first?  When I left the company to pursue another role, we drifted apart and haven’t spoken in years. 

As I grew within the organizations I was a part of, I found it more and more difficult to have friends at work.  As a young employee, just out of school, I believe it is critical to have friends at work.  However, as a senior vice president in an organization having friends at work became far more challenging.  I was privy to financial and organizational information I couldn’t share, I was far busier in closed door meetings and conversations, I was responsible for a much larger, global team, and I had to make more difficult decisions regarding staffing and headcount.  These decisions impacted peoples lives and families.  In early December of 2023 I had to notify six employees that their roles were being eliminated at the end of the year.  I had traveled with these team members, I knew their spouses, I knew their children, I knew of health issues that they were experiencing, I knew that many of them were the breadwinners in their family.  It was awful, personally, but it was the right decision for the company and their transformational goals.  I went home that day and baked a crack cake.  I may or may not have eaten most of it too!

Back to the question at hand “Can I have friends at work?”  Forming strong relationships with your coworkers can be great way to improve overall job satisfaction and engagement at work. Many professionals find it important to place clear boundaries on the extent of their working relationships and avoid becoming too close with coworkers.  Boundaries help you to maintain a healthy work-life balance. There are clear advantages and disadvantages to becoming friends with coworkers and peers.

Forming relationships with your coworkers is one of the most effective methods of team building.  Most of us work in environments where cross functional, team work is essential to success.  Accomplishing organizational goals is dependent on solid teams who can work together on a shared mission.  Strong relationships with these team members can facilitate confidence, healthy collaboration and discussion, and foster a feeling of freedom to offer unpopular opinions or ideas.  Team members who get along, cooperate as a part of a team and have respect for one another can form useful support systems that drive engagement, enhance collaboration, provide motivation and produce higher quality work. With this, developing strong relationships and a sense of trust with your coworkers may allow you to be more productive in your role overall.

Some of the advantages to having friends at work may include:

• Increased overall productivity
• Improved communication and collaboration
• Strong sense of support and trust
• Increased engagement
• Increased job satisfaction
• Excitement to go to work each day
• Stress mitigation

On the contrary, having friends at work my have the following negative consequences:

• Increased competition
• Unwelcome distractions
• Receiving less constructive feedback
• Creating blurred lines, decreased work-life balance
• Decreased privacy
• Decreased professionalism (laughing, joking, inside jokes, water cooler talk)

Bottom line, it is up to you to determine what separation you want between work and life. 

Does having friends at work help or hinder you from meeting your long-term career goals?  One of the positive aspects of having friends at work is the fact you care about your friends’ success and can celebrate their achievements with them. It’s important, however, that you don’t neglect your own career while helping your friends with theirs. You can be a team player and a good friend while also standing out and excelling on your own. 

Can I perform at the top of my game if I have distractions?  One of the enjoyable aspects of having friends at work is being able to spend a few minutes or a lunch break talking about other things. Key point: OTHER THINGS!  It’s easy, however, to allow those conversations to take too long and cut into your work time. Watch the clock and respect the fact that you and your friends both have jobs to do. If you are a manager, you also don’t want to appear to be showing favoritism to one or two employees by spending more time with them.  I have been accused of this in the past.  I was not doing it consciously, but team members felt that I definitely spent more time with some employees.

Would I be happier at work if I had strong confidants?  Workplace friendships can have a positive impact on both your work performance and your overall well-being.  Remember you are going to spend over 80,000 hours over the course of your life at work! Always speak positively about your coworkers and avoid negative comments, especially while at work. You never know who is listening, but more importantly, remember to just BE KIND.  This is even more important among your work friends, where conversations may be more relaxed and you might be less guarded about the things you say. If you have a problem with a co-worker, discuss it with them in person, and encourage your friends to do the same.  Do not let things fester.  Be mature, approach them respectfully, and clear the air.  More often than not, the problem is caused by a misunderstanding that can be cleared up in minutes.

Only you can answer these questions.  The answers to these questions may be different at different points in your career, and that is perfectly normal.  Dating at work is even a bigger discussion that I won’t even attempt to delve into here, maybe a later blog post!!!

If you are reading this, you are also old enough, and experienced enough, to know that you are not always going to like the people you have to work with.  You may have had project teams that you have been assigned to work with in college or on the job that were just painful.  When I was getting my Masters degree at Georgia State I actually had a team member physically threaten me.  After our final presentation we had to “grade” each team member on their performance in a number of areas.  He didn’t participate in team meetings, he didn’t complete his assignments, he spoke incorrectly at the presentation because he didn’t attend the prep sessions, and I graded him accordingly.  He didn’t appreciate it and confronted me, actually told me to watch my back.  Can you imagine?  Part of maturing in your career is learning how to deal with the difficult people or people you just don’t gel with.  How you deal with these people is a choice, my advice, do what you need to do to be able to work together without sacrificing your own work ethic and be kind, you never know what a person is going through.  Try to find common ground, something that you can connect with and exploit that to improve the relationship.

Bottom line: We will probably spend the equivalent of a quarter of our lives at work, build the relationships that make you happiest and set the boundaries that you need to make you successful.  Those boundaries may look different in different situations or stages of your career.  Learn as you go.  As humans we should never stop learning, if something doesn’t work or you have a bad experience, reflect on it, make a change, and move forward.  Always be friendly, even if you don’t find your best friend at work, be friendly and be kind.

What is Crack Cake?

Crack cake is a popular dessert that has been making waves in the culinary world. But why is it called crack cake? The name comes from the addictive nature of this delectable treat. Once you try it, you just can’t get enough! The moist cake is often topped with a sugary, gooey glaze that is simply irresistible. It’s no wonder that people can’t get enough of this sweet confection.

The origins of crack cake can be traced back to the Southern United States, where it has been a beloved dessert for generations. The recipe is simple yet incredibly delicious, making it a favorite for family gatherings, potlucks, and special occasions. The combination of buttery cake and sweet glaze creates a unique flavor that keeps people coming back for more. Whether it’s called crack cake, gooey butter cake, or something else, one thing is for certain – it’s absolutely delightful.

The secret to crack cake’s irresistible flavor lies in the balance of sweetness and texture. The moist cake pairs perfectly with the sticky glaze, creating a mouthwatering experience with every bite. Each bite is a burst of sweetness and rich flavor that leaves you craving for more. It’s no surprise that crack cake has become a staple dessert in many households and bakeries. With its unique name and irresistible taste, it’s no wonder that crack cake has gained widespread popularity. ¹

Crack Cake Recipe

1 box yellow cake mix (can also be made Gluten Free with a GF Cake Mix)

¼ C brown sugar

¼ C white sugar

1 box instant vanilla pudding

2 tsp cinnamon

4 eggs

¾ C water

¾ C oil

½ C white wine (I use a sweet wine like Riesling or Moscato)

Preheat oven to 350

Grease a bundt pan

Mix all ingredients together

Pour into the pan and bake for 1 hour

With 10 minutes left on the oven melt the following and gently boil for 3 minutes:

1 stick butter

1 C white sugar

¼ C white wine

Remove cake from oven, poke holes in the cake with a fork and pour the hot glaze over the cake.  Allow cake to cool completely and then remove from pan

¹ Why is it called crack cake? – Chef’s Resource