Talk to me Goose!  Know where I’m going here?  This may be the cheesiest blog post yet but I have this energy and excitement I have to share.  Last week, May 13^th to be exact, was the 40^th Anniversary of the Top Gun release, and I was there for it.  Bought my ticket the minute they went on sale at the movie theater and got the best seat in the house!

Yes, I took a picture of the big screen during the volleyball game

Top Gun was released when I as in 8^th grade at Orland Consolidated Middle School, OCS as the locals called it, about to graduate and move onto high school in the next town over!  Big things were happening and talk about formative years.  I wasn’t old enough, nor did we have the money, to see the movie in the theater, a trip to Banor to the movies was a big deal from my neck of the literal woods.  So, I had to wait for it to come out on VHS where I waited for it to be available at Snowman’s Pizza to rent.  When I tell you this movie shaped my life, I am neither kidding nor exaggerating. Remember, I told you this post was going to be cheesy but stick with me.

From that day on, I have loved Tom Cruise, I know haters gonna hate, but I do.  I also decided right then and there I was going to be a pilot.  I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up.  Shortly thereafter, I got my first real job at the East Orland Country Store, I saved enough money to take my first flying lesson.  My mom drove me to Bangor International Airport where I met the flight instructor.  It was a snowy, cold winter morning, not ideal for flying but I was all in.  Talk about exhilarating!  But what wasn’t exhilarating was the price tag.  Flying is expensive, like super expensive.  My 5 – 10 hours a week at the nuns store was not going to get me a pilot’s license, that’s for sure.

Fast forward to junior year of high school, chemistry class to be specific.  I had always been interested in, and pretty good at math and science, but this is the class that really sparked my interest in a career in STEM.  My chemistry teacher, Mr. Sulya, affectionately called Joe, truly nurtured that interest.  He made chemistry class fun and exciting.  He ate chalk one day.  Another day he froze a carnation with liquid nitrogen and threw it against the chalkboard.  Everyone needs a teacher like Joe.  But the most impactful thing that he did was convince me to attend a week-long summer program at the University of Maine called Consider Engineering.  The program was sponsored by the U Maine Pulp and Paper Foundation.  I had no idea at that time that the UMPPF would become such a significant part of my life, I’ll get to that later.

The week-long program was for rising high school seniors who were interested in engineering.  Throughout the course of the week, we took classes and completed activities and projects in all of the different engineering disciplines.  At the end of the week Chemical Engineering was my favorite.  But I still had this little spark in my mind about flying!  I just couldn’t let it go!

So there I was at the end of summer, ready to start my senior year in high school, and ready to start applying to colleges.  Here’s what I applied for:

Embry Riddle Aeronautical University – Aerospace Engineering (thanks Maverick)

Boston University – Mechanical Engineering with a concentration in Aerospace Engineering (thanks Maverick)

University of Maine – Chemical Engineering (Thanks Joe)

Well, I got accepted to all three and had a huge decision to make.  At the end of the day, even with financial aid, UMaine was the only one I could afford.  I would have come out of Embry Riddle or BU owing tens of thousands of dollars and thanks to the UMPPF, I graduated with a degree in ChemE owing $0.

Were my dreams crushed?  Maybe temporarily, but I adjusted and adapted and have made a great career for myself.  Do I still wear my bomber jacket and Ray-Bans every now and then, and strut around like I’m the shit, of course I do.  What a time to be alive, the 80s I mean.  Even the soundtrack to Top Gun gets me excited, who wouldn’t want to jump on the Highway to the Danger Zone…..

By now you may be asking yourself what all of this has to do with being a female in the C-suite who loves to bake.  Make it make sense!  There are some classic one liners in Top Gun that are seriously deep and meaningful.

Remember when Maverick goes to Viper’s house after the crash that killed Goose?  He goes there to discuss his options; Viper gives him his options as he sees them but then he spouts out this gem:

“Now I’m not gonna sit here and blow sunshine up your ass, Lieutenant.  A good pilot is compelled to evaluate what’s happened, so he can apply what he’s learned.”

Better advice has never been given, ever.  This was a tough lesson to learn in my career.  I am a people pleaser and tend to sugar coat things and blow sunshine up someone’s ass even when I am trying to give constructive feedback or discuss something that maybe didn’t do so well.  Some people may want that, but most people if they truly want to grow and improve, want the facts and they want to know how to improve.  That requires being candid, timely and honest.  That also requires them to evaluate what has happened and learn from it.  As a leader it is your responsibility to provide that feedback and help them learn from their mistakes.  Noone is perfect, no one is going to do everything right the first time, the folks that are going to be successful are the ones who are not afraid to fail, learn from their failures, and don’t make the same mistake again.  Viper literally delivered the best advice I have ever received.

Bottom line: People may think they want you to blow sunshine u their ass, and some might, but those that are truly trying to grow and develop do not.  They want you to be candid, transparent and timely with your feedback.  Be someone’s Viper, they will appreciate it.

Next, remember the discussion between Iceman and Maverick after the epic battle and the “remaining migs are bugging out and going home”?  The two look at each other and Iceman says:

              “You can be my wingman anytime.”

              To which Maverick replies:

              “Bullshit you can be mine.”

I get chills just thinking about the camaraderie between the two of them.  I have talked a lot about my village and mentors in previous blogs; we all need people to be successful.  Someone looking out for us, someone who has our back.  If you choose to venture off on your own, you lose that support system.  If you let your peers venture off on their own, they lose their support system.  Everyone needs someone.  The someone you need may be different in different situations, and it will be different in different stages of your life, but one thing remains, we all need a wingman.  I talk to my youngest daughter a lot about having a wingman.  Being a female freshman in college is scary, its even scarier being her mom.  What if they go out and her friends leave her?  What if she gets separated from her friends at a concert?  What if she’s studying late at the library and needs to walk home alone?  I have tried to instill in her that she always needs a wingman.

Bottom line: find your wingman: someone(s) you trust, to have your back!  Be a wingman!  In order to build trust and relationships, the trust must flow both ways.  You cannot navigate this crazy world alone, you must have a village and that village must have a wingman, and maybe a Jester (see what I did there, Jester)

But here is my absolute favorite, remember when Stinger calls Maverick and Goose to his office.  Maverick gets reprimanded for a list of infractions, including my personal favorite “a run-in with the admiral’s daughter” and of course the repeated high-speed passes over the towers.  Stinger says to him:

              “Son, your ego is writing checks your body can’t cash.”

I love this line.  Why is this line so powerful?  There is so much meaning to be unpacked in these ten words.  The phrase is basically suggesting that Maverick is promising more than he can realistically deliver, whether that’s physically, mentally, or professionally.  (Starting to ring any bells?)  The over promising may be attributed to arrogance, overconfidence, or ignorance of a situation.  This can lead to taking unnecessary risks, missing timelines, and damaging your reputation with your peers.

Overpromising and underdelivering are the quickest way into a downward spiral in your career.  If your peers start to lose trust in you,and question your integrity, it can have a detrimental impact on your career.  As females, I bet we can all think of a few times we have overpromised and underdelivered.  They are probably not even related to confidence or knowledge; they are related to the fact that we try to do everything for everyone all of the time.  In some cases, I did overpromise, and I did deliver but my health suffered, my sleep suffered, my mental health suffered, and my family suffered because I turned into someone no one wanted to be around. 

Bottom line:  analyze the situation, understand the ask, and be realistic in your commitments.  Someone might be upset or disappointed that you can’t meet their timeline, but they will be even more disappointed and angry if you commit to it and miss it.  Being realistic and consistently delivering build trust.  Or, here is a novel idea, JUST SAY NO!  I know that is a foreign idea to us, but I promise you can do it, you may feel guilty, but it will feel good in the long run.  Try it, you might even like it!

To summarize, let me break it down into a few points:

1. I love Top Gun like stupid amounts
2. My chocolate lab is AKC registered, his official name is……ready for this……Talk to me Moose!  Just Moose or Moosey for short!
3. I did not become a pilot, but that’s ok, I pivoted and feel pretty successful.  I feel fulfilled.
4. I am successful enough that I never had to worry about “flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong” although at least I would have achieved my dreams of being a pilot
5. You can find inspiration anywhere if you are open to it, even in the movie theater.

Early in my career, I had the responsibility of giving feedback to a far more seasoned colleague. It was feedback I knew he didn’t want to hear, and I anticipated he wouldn’t receive it well. He was also nearly twice my age, and I found the situation intimidating. As a result, I softened the message so much that he walked away without a clear action plan—or even an understanding that a serious mistake had occurred.

At the time, I believed I was doing him a favor by being “nice.” I wasn’t. Six months later, he was terminated for repeating the same error I had been tasked with addressing. I will never know whether more direct, constructive feedback would have changed the outcome, but I carried that guilt for a long time. My fear had real consequences for him and his family.

These conversations are still difficult; I would question anyone’s humanity if they didn’t find them challenging. But they are necessary. They matter. People cannot fix what they don’t know is broken.  After he was fired, I went home and made fudge batter pudding.

Fudge Batter Pudding

Think Domino’s Chocolate Lava Cake or Chili’s Molten Chocolate Cake but sooooo much better, and there’s more of it

1 C flour

¾ C sugar

2 T cocoa

2 t baking powder

½ t salt

½ C milk

1 ¾ C hot water

2 T oil

1 t vanilla

¾ C brown sugar

¼ C cocoa

Preheat oven to 350

Mix first 5 ingredients together.  Add milk, oil and vanilla, mix until smooth.

Pour into a greased 8x8x2 pan

Mix together brown sugar and the ¼ C cocoa.  Sprinkle this over the batter

Pour hot water over the entire batter, making sure to cover

Bake for 45 mins

If you are having a really bad day, serve with vanilla bean ice cream!  Enjoy